In memory of my sweet mama!

September 29, 2013 / Jessica / Diggin Deeper, Personal Blog / 89 Comments

This is my sweet sweet mama Darlene…

My beautiful mom only 4 months ago at my son’s 6th b-day party.

…who is home with Jesus now. Everyone who met her felt loved, felt important and felt the presence of Jesus. I am so happy the Lord picked me to be her daughter…and oh how I am going to miss her!!

One week ago today around 11:40am, my mom breathed her last breath and entered the kingdom of Heaven! And Heaven welcomed the most beautiful and amazing woman that day! I can just see her standing before the throne of her sweet Jesus praising Him with arms raised and the biggest smile ever!

I wanted to tell you the story of this last month. I think it’s important for me to tell it because now that I can look back, there are so many ways I can see Jesus’ faithful hand guiding every step…all the way to her last breath. I’m going to share with you a lot of medical stuff, but it’s so you can walk this road with me and so hopefully the light of the Lord will be seen more brightly amidst the darkness of the circumstances.

My mom and dad with her brother (far left) and his wife as well as my son, daughter and nephew (about 3.5 years ago)

It’s crazy how your life can be tossed upside down in less than a month and how incredibly fast everything can change. Yet, the one constant is my sweet Jesus and His love for me and my family! He was our rock, our strong tower, our refuge and my strength! The storm was great, the wind never gave up, but my Lord held us close and whispered, “Fear not, for I am with you!” I cannot imagine walking this road without Him.On August 27th my mom went in for a hysterectomy surgery to remove what looked like the beginnings of ovarian cancer. I felt confident that the surgery would be simple and they would get everything due to what I had heard from my parents and the doctors. My sister told me that upon entering the operating room, my mom said she had total peace and was even witnessing to the nurses about her sweet Jesus. That nurse told my sister that “she is one of the sweetest women she had ever met!” Two hours into surgery, I got a call from my sister and dad saying the doctors brought them into a special room and something was wrong with mom. Within a few minutes, the docs told us that my mom’s abdomen was filled with cancer and that the cancer was probably small intestinal cancer that had spread to her ovary and her liver. We were all shocked to say the least. The situation looked grave. We let mom come out of the anesthesia for a good day before letting her know a small piece of the puzzle…that there was more cancer than we thought and they are biopsying it. We kept details pretty simple for her. Another day later two of the surgeons came in and told mom that it was probably Carcinoid cancer which is a very slow growing cancer and that there were some treatments for it that could extend her life for many years. It looked like she had had it for many years without diagnosis. My mom over the past 8 years has had a lot of health issues that have seemed to been random and more food allergy related. Now we know it was this cancer.

A few days later she went home…a little early I felt…but home she came nonetheless. The docs/nurses kept saying it’s good to get out of the hospital less you catch something else! A little for-shadowing. For a few days she started to eat a few bites of food, but shortly there after, her abdomen started filling with fluid. It was so weird! My dad took her up early for a post-op apt because she wasn’t wanting to eat anymore and was so huge and uncomfortable. The surgeon just looked at her and basically said, it’s acides (cancer fluid) and to play strong for Monday’s apt with the oncologists so perhaps you can start chemo early. He didn’t do an ultrasound, check her blood or anything. For the past few weeks I’ve been so angry at that doctor. But now, I realize it was a blessing in disguise because if they would have done those tests, they would have kept her in Portland…an hour from my dad, their home, church and friends. The Lord works even in what seems bad in order to turn them around for good.

I went down to Salem the next day, Saturday the 6th of Sept., and she looked horrible. Weaker, fuller and not wanting to eat. I told dad we should get her to the hospital but he felt he was just with a doc and had only until Monday to wait to see the oncologist so we decided to see if we could get through the rest of the weekend. But, the next morning, Sunday, Sept. 7th, my parent’s 45th anniversary, my dad called to have me come to the house asap. He couldn’t move mom much anymore and she was in bad shape. I got there within an hour and it took both of us to get her into the car. She was hurting so much and so incredibly weak. When my mom had the surgery on the 27th, she was the smallest I had ever seen her. She couldn’t have been more than 110lbs. But all the fluid made her so heavy.We got to the ER and they rushed us right in. By the end of the day we found out mom had a full system infection (probably gotten from surgery or the hospital in Portland), her kidneys were failing, her blood pressure was unstable and they pumped 4 liters of fluid from her stomach. We thought we were in good hands and things were going to be okay…at least I had some hope since she felt so much better by the end of the day getting the fluid off. She said she felt like a new woman. I left that night feeling hopeful…that the docs were going to give her some antibiotics and she’d stay for a few days and be back to healing up. What a roller coaster this was becoming.

Over the next week, her abdomen continued to fill and needed to be emptied almost daily. Her blood pressure continued to plummet, we were in this crazy cycle and none of the doctors could figure it out. I would get texts and calls in the middle of the night. It was as if at anytime she could go. I literally felt like we had zero control and were in a corner and no body knew what was going on. They’d empty her (taking her nutrients with it) and her blood pressure would drop. They’d leave it and she wouldn’t eat and her kidneys would be in trouble because it was too much. We prayed constantly for wisdom. The docs were baffled because the kind of cancer she had didn’t produce fluid like that…and it was full of infection…and the antibiotics weren’t doing anything. Yes…looking back, the Lord’s merciful hand was there guiding every step.

A week or so after being in the hospital, they realized she had a heart defect…a leaky valve…totally separate from the cancer but they felt could have been caused from years of cancer and blood pressure issues. Again, she had signs for this defect over the past year or two…but we never realized that’s what it was. What had started happening was after the surgery, as her body weakened, so did that valve. It couldn’t keep up with the blood flow, so some of the fluid/blood it was trying to pump would fall back into the body. Now we had another big problem…that couldn’t be fixed…she couldn’t do another surgery…it was the perfect storm.

So, for the next week, nutrition became the biggest issue. She still wasn’t eating much at all. We kept thinking if she could eat, she could heal faster and get stronger and the heart valve would do a better job and then she could eventually do chemo. That was our hope. During this time I was spending as much time as I could with her and my husband was taking the slack. Oh, I am so thankful for him and the ways he held us all together. He was such a strength to me and I praise the Lord for him. I was able to hold her, love on her and just be a presence in the room for her…what tender moments!

My mom and dad with their grand kids about 5 years ago

A wonderful doc from oncology moved my mom from ICU where she was too heavily drugged to care about nutrition and wasn’t moving enough. He said he knew they needed to get her eating and moving and that was our last chance to get her strong. They tried to work with her but trying to juggle the fluid, the blood pressure, the kidneys the bowel issues due to cancer and the infection that was still raging began to look impossible. She had the perfect storm. Yet…the Lord was in control the entire time. I can see that now. He gave us three weeks to love on her, encourage her, read scriptures to her, sing her favorite songs, tell her Mimi stories, how much we loved her, how important she was so so many people. Her brother got to visit for a few days, my brother from AZ got to hang out with her a few days…both which gave me a much needed break from being at the hospital constantly. Yes, they were incredibly hard days and she was hurting a lot of it…but it was precious time…it gave us all time to say good-bye…even though we didn’t realize it at the time.This past Tuesday, dad called me to Salem again because mom had the worst night and he needed me. We met with doctors and they basically called a time out. Things weren’t working, she was getting worse daily. Her body wasn’t absorbing nutrition and even the feeding tube was just pooling fluid in her stomach. They said we need to think about what mom would want…how she would want to spend her last days…because that’s what it was…days. It was earth shattering to hear that. We had always been so hopeful despite the situation. Now we had to tell her…she was going to go home to be with Jesus soon and we were going to take her home to her house for her last few days. So many tears that day. But the Lord gave comfort…so much comfort.

Wednesday at the hospital consisted of visits from several of her doctors. They all came in to say how much they enjoyed meeting mom and how sorry they were. My mom ministered to every one of them. She told them about her Jesus and her walk with Him and how she knew where she was going. Until the end, my mom tried to comfort everyone else!! She had such peace. I asked her at one point what I could do for her and she said, “I need to write everyone at church a note to tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me! I want to know all the names of the nurses and doctors so I can tell them thank you for their help!” That’s my mom…thinking of how she can love on and comfort others!! She touched and loved everyone she met. What an incredible example to me!! I pray I can do that more…share Jesus with such boldness and love!

We moved her home Thursday morning and the Lord gave us the most beautiful day! Mom had been staring at a white board for the past 13 days in the hospital…without being able to see out her tiny window. My sister was with her during transport and had the guys pull over and stop for a few minutes when my mom’s face was in the sun…she was LOVING feeling the sun on her face! A gift from her Lord. We placed her in the front room of her house, in front of the big windows, so she could see out over the fields and her beautiful flowers. It was beautiful! She looked like she was so happy to be home…she had a peace about her which was wonderful. It was another gift and confirmation we were doing the right thing!! I thank Jesus for those doctors who helped guide us through that hard decision. It was exactly where she wanted and needed to be!!

My daughter, Raquelle, was there when she came home and she was able to curl up in bed with my mom. She laid there for 45 min. in her arms, crying tears of sadness and love. Even though my mom was slightly out of it, the Lord gave her enough energy to kiss and hold my precious girl and to sing her a little song. My sweet girl said good-bye to her Mimi and my wonderful mother-in-law was there to wrap her up and take her home. It was an amazingly hard, but again beautiful moment and I will treasure that forever!! The hardest thing about all of this is my sweet sweet kiddos…that they won’t know how precious their Mimi was. Raquelle will remember to a degree…but she’s still so young.

My mom with Raquelle about 5 years ago…oh she loved her babies!

Friday the Lord brought us another beautiful gift. A sweet angel named Jillian came to the house to play some music for my mom. She is a music therapist for the hospice program. She had this incredibly gentle, gracious, beautiful presence about her. She talked gently with my mom and was patient as it was hard for my mom to get words out at this point. She began playing “Heaven came down and glory filled my soul…” It sounded like Heaven opened and literally came down into that room. We all started to cry because it was such a powerful moment. My dad had to leave the room because it was so overwhelming. It was the most beautiful, precious moment I’ve ever had! Her voice was like an angle and my mom’s face lit up…she smiled and closed her eyes with such joy and peace. I prayed and prayed that the Lord would take her right then…so that she could go from one heaven to the next!! But He didn’t…He allowed us to all experience that moment together…as a gift…as a way to remember her in such a beautiful, peaceful way. I will remember that sweet angel and her music forever! I was almost jealous that this woman had been so gifted, and was using her gifting to bless people in such a profound way! What a ministry!! After playing 7 or 8 more songs and chatting, she said it was time for her to go. When she left, she was so moved and leaned down and whispered something into my moms ear and gave her a kiss. My mom kissed her back a few times and Jillian stood up and said, “This is a woman of deep grace!” She walked out of the home saying that she felt like she had been wrapped up in a warm blanket. That’s exactly how we all felt. Heaven had come down and glory had filled our souls! I praise Him for such a sweet and beautiful moment.Within a few hours, my mom slipped further and became non-responsive. Her breathing became more inconsistent and labored. My sister couldn’t stay in the room with her anymore…it was too hard for her. She ended up leaving the next day. Janet, my mom’s sweet friend of 40 years, was there with us since Thursday so she, dad and I continued singing to her, reading to her, holding her and being present. We felt like she could go anytime. We continued to tell her how much we loved her, that there was nothing left for her here…that her sweet Savior was calling her home. I stayed with her on the couch through the night Thursday and Friday giving her medicine, listening to her breathe, holding her hand and singing to her at 2am! :) It was such a sweet time for me…alone with my mom in the night telling her how much I loved her. I remember my mom staying up with me, holding me through the long nights, when I was little. I was sick a lot and she was always there with such tenderness. The tables were turned and how thankful I was to hold her!

Saturday afternoon and evening was long…but again, precious. We were petitioning with the Lord to take her home. I wanted to leave so many times. I wanted to curl up in the arms of my husband and the comfort of my home. It was so hard to be there…but I knew I needed to be there. Janet stayed with her Saturday night because I was so exhausted and needed to get a few hours of sleep. We all got up Sunday morning a little depressed. We were SO tired and completely exhausted. We just couldn’t figure out why the Lord hadn’t taken her yet. We joked that maybe she was waiting for the Lord’s day…it was mom’s favorite day of the week. I read some scripture over breakfast and told Janet and dad I felt this was a spiritual battle. We battle not against flesh and blood, but principalities. The enemy would want us to be discouraged and depressed. We needed to pray against that! My dad called one of his Shepherding group leaders that morning and told them we needed people to pray the Lord takes her home today. That they should not be angry or discouraged, but to pray with us that she would be delivered into her new home. Their shepherding group meets between 11am-12pm. After my dad hung up, Janet said, “Watch…she’s going to go home to be with the Lord between 11-12!” We all smiled thinking that would be so cool! She LOVED her shepherding group…loved the people, loved Sundays!!! How fun would that be I thought!

Around 11:30 we were sitting with mom, praying, reading scripture, Janet and I were singing. We could tell mom’s heart rate was slowing and things were shifting a bit. My dad was looking at pics of my mom and said, “She should have her make-up on!” My mom LOVED wearing make-up! She used to do a lot of modeling when she was young and would never be seen without her red lips!! She even had my dad put on her red lips before my brother saw her! Oh, mom…I love you! Anyway, I had JUST been thinking that and was about ready to say that when he said it first. Janet immediately said “I was thinking the same thing!!!” Oh the Lord knows how to speak into people’s heart when it’s going to bring about His purpose! I love that!

I ran and grabbed her make up bag. I put some blush on her cheeks, did up her eyebrows like she likes them, and put on her eye make up. She took a big breath and all of a sudden, I noticed she didn’t have a heart beat. We called dad over and I gave the lipstick to Janet and said, “Hurry Janet, she has to have her lips on!!!” Janet did up her lips quickly and as she was finishing, mom took one big last breath and was gone. At 11:40am on The Lord’s Day, while her sweet friends prayed in her shepherding group, after she had her face on, she went to be with Jesus. The wave of emotion that swept over me was relief, shear joy and praise!!! I told my dad to turn the music on because it was time to celebrate!! As Janet and I were hugging and crying and praising Jesus, the music came over the speakers and Jeremy Camp’s song, “There will be a day” came on! Again, it was like Jesus poured out His love upon us and comforted us by speaking that music into my heart with those words,There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

It was perfect! Janet and I held each other singing those sweet lyrics knowing there were no more tears, no more pain, no more burdens…that she was face to face with her sweet Savior in His sweet arms!! It was powerful, beautiful and perfect.

I called my brother and he and I laughed…Jared said, “Mom could never leave the house without her make-up on!” It was also the first day of fall…her absolute favorite time of the year. The Lord was involved in every detail!! Earlier I had cried out Lord why is she still here…why haven’t you taken her home?! And He answered me in those moments…He said, “Because I have a perfect plan! I’m in every detail of your life, I care about every moment. I see every tear and every hurt.” His timing might not be in our timing…but it’s always perfect, beautiful and right. He cares about how the lilies of the field are clothed and how my mom would enter the kingdom of Heaven. It overwhelmed me to feel that truth deep in my heart. He loves us, He cares about every detail and His plans are perfect! He loved my mom so much and had these final days perfectly planned to bless us all. He is so faithful!

It was also amazing to know that all those sweet people my mom loved in her church were with us in Spirit in that moment. They helped to usher her into the Kingdom of Heaven with their prayers. They stood with us in prayer for her in that exact moment…even though we were 20 minutes away. There were so many people that wanted to see mom, visit with her, hold her and touch her that weren’t able to. The last three and a half weeks were truly a whirlwind! But, it was as if the Lord gave them the gift of being with us in that moment. Mom knew they loved her and she loved them all so much. And, they were with us in that moment…they were apart of that perfect departure. Again, thank you Jesus!

Mom’s surgery that started this avalanche of events was on August 27th, and the service to celebrate her life was on Friday, September 27th at 11am. In one month, through a huge series of crazy events my mom went to heaven and we got to celebrate her incredible life. I am so thankful the Lord orchestrated it all this way. If it wasn’t for the heart issue and infection, she would have struggled with this cancer for potentially many years. It was God’s sweet grace that He allowed all these things to happen…and to happen so quickly. I can see that now. At the time if felt overwhelming and out of control. But He had everything in control…everything! He gave us three weeks to say good-bye, to love her, to be with her, to mourn, to cry and to weep. And, although there will be many more moments of weeping, I am thankful it’s not because she’s in pain…it’s because she left such a big imprint on all of our lives and will be greatly missed!!

The morning after she passed away, I read in my devotional

Psalm 19:7-11

⁷The law of the Lord is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
⁸The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
⁹The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the Lord are firm,
and all of them are righteous.

¹⁰They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
¹¹By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

Again, this was the Lord speaking deeply into my heart…challenging my soul. My mom gave me a hunger for His word over these past few weeks. She was refreshing to my soul, trustworthy, wise, she gave joy to the heart, light came from her eyes…all because she was a woman of the Word. She LOVED the word of God and because His word was more precious to her than gold, and sweeter than a honeycomb, she was rewarded with a life that bled Christ, with a beautiful departure and with a life we will always be impacted by.

She breathed God’s love into others because He was living inside her. She would be the first to tell you she wasn’t perfect! But she knew she was perfectly forgiven thanks to the work of Christ on the cross!! So she lived a victorious life! If you feel a void, if you feel like something is missing…it’s Jesus! He made us all to crave Him…to know Him…to love Him. His word quenches the depths of our soul and feeds our broken hearts. He knows us…all of our sins and imperfections and yet died for us so that we could be free from them! Oh how He loves us!!! I pray whoever is reading this will feel His love for them! She touched hundreds of people because she was Jesus to them. I pray with the depths of my heart I can be more like that. That we would all hunger and thirst for the beautiful word of God so that the light, love, wisdom, peace and joy others see in us is Jesus in us…that we can be lights to this dark world…so that His love would shine to all we meet. It’s all about people…and relationships. May we all be little “Darlene’s” today. May we hunger and thirst for His word more than gold, so that it will change our lives, and the lives of those around us.Thank you mom for your life, for your sacrifice, for your love, for giving me Jesus! Thank you for making me want to be a better mom and a woman who is more bold in my love for our Savior. I’m so happy for you…that you are face to face with Him in perfect peace!

Until we see each other again, I will always love you…forever!

My mom and dad with my three kiddos and nephew Jordan, 4 months ago celebrating my son’s b-day.

Personal Inspiration

89 comments on “In memory of my sweet mama!”

ohboybakingco says:

September 29, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Thank you for sharing! Sounds like your mother was beautiful inside and out!

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Jamie says:

September 29, 2013 at 9:36 pm

Jess,
As a kindred spirit who has known you for many, many years, I can’t express the fullness of the blessing and inspiration it is to me, to witness God’s hand in your life. I have seen Him shaping you as a daughter, a young woman, a wife, a mom, and ultimately–in each and every one of those roles–as an ambassador for His name. As you well know, some of our greatest ministry opportunities flow out of the toughest stuff we face. I am definitely grieving alongside you; the loss of your Mom so soon. I absolutely can’t imagine. And at the same time, there’s a sliver of thought that waits in eager anticipation to see how the Lord will use this in the story He has written for you. Clearly, He has already begun that work. Know that I am here for you as you continue to grieve and discover God’s plans for you in this season — Anything you need at all, I’m your girl!! You and your family are cherished in my heart! Love you love you love you,
Jamie

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Bethany Weathersby says:

September 29, 2013 at 9:37 pm

Tears. Just bittersweet tears.

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Pam Ehrhardt says:

September 29, 2013 at 9:44 pm

God bless you and your family!

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Anonymous says:

September 29, 2013 at 9:50 pm

I’m sorry for your lost, may she rest in peace.

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1a4b8b82-ed76-11e0-bed0-000bcdca4d7a says:

September 29, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Jessica, I cannot express how much your blog on your beautiful’s mom’s final days meant to me. What a blessing she was on earth as she is in heaven! I love my mom 8 years ago and had a similar death experience with her last breath and surrounded with Jesus and her guardian angels waiting for her arrival into paradise. I will never forget that moment and miss my mommy each and every day. Yet, I know that she is looking over me and is with me in spirit. You are a living testimony to you mom’s legacy and love and I am sending you hugs and prayers. God bless you and your family.

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Elizabeth L in Apex, NC says:

September 29, 2013 at 10:12 pm

I know your loss is temporary, for heaven awaits your reunion! Blessings to you and your family, and thank you for sharing this amazing story.

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Jen Reil says:

September 29, 2013 at 10:35 pm

I am so sorry for your loss, but I am extremely impressed with your faith! Thank you for sharing your sweet testimony.

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Fernanda Abarca says:

September 29, 2013 at 11:03 pm

Wow!! I cried so much reading this.. Thank you for sharing. I’m very sorry for your loss. Your Mom was beautiful, she must be so proud of you. Praying for your family. xoxo

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Anonymous says:

September 29, 2013 at 11:16 pm

thank you

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Scrappinraiderfan says:

September 29, 2013 at 11:25 pm

Thank you for sharing. Every life is a blessing and he now gets to enjoy the blessing he created. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. We too brought my dad home to rest in the few days before his passing and it truly is a blessing knowing they are in a peaceful surroundings.

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Unknown says:

September 29, 2013 at 11:28 pm

I have never met you, Jessica. But with the brief interactions we have had, you have inspired me and challenged me. Not just with cake decorating, but with your passionate love for Jesus. I have so many tears right now and I want you to know that this testimony of your Mom’s passing and your love for her and your Savior has touched my heart deeply. THANK YOU for being brave enough to share it. Thank you for the way you glorify Jesus by your life. Thank you for your example to me (and others). Love and prayers…

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Marcia Qualls says:

September 29, 2013 at 11:34 pm

Jess, You don’t know me, but you know my daughter Melody (Creative Cakes By Melody)..I just read your wonderful story about your lovely Mom!! It touched me to the core. She looks like a very spiritual person in her pictures. You are a very special daughter to share your story & honor her memory with it. She truly is with her Jesus!! Thank you!!

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Carmen Keel says:

September 29, 2013 at 11:41 pm

Thank you so much for sharing. It was beautifully written. I cried and cried. It was so heartfelt and I could feel how much your mother was loved. I know she will be missed but find comfort in knowing that she is with her precious Lord and at peace. Hugs……

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Melissa T. says:

September 30, 2013 at 12:20 am

Thank you for sharing your story. What an absolute beautiful way to leave this earth! A perfect plan.

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Anonymous says:

September 30, 2013 at 12:36 am

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Brenda N. says:

September 30, 2013 at 12:37 am

Jessica, I am grieving for you & the loss of your Mom, but am REJOICING with you that she is with Jesus! What could be better?! And, she left you with such a godly heritage & a thirst for the Lord. I have seen Christ shining through you in all your words & deeds on.line. I’m sure your Mom was very proud of you & it will be so amazing when you are reunited again.

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kimpham says:

September 30, 2013 at 12:58 am

What’s a lovely memory of your mom. Thanks for sharing. God bless.

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Lora says:

September 30, 2013 at 1:13 am

Jessica, my deepest sympathies at the loss of your mother. I lost my mom too at a young age and miss her so much, but also have a assurance she is with Jesus Christ. I struggle with understanding God’s ways and probably always will, but I know without Him..there is no hope. Our hope is in our Savior. God bless.

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Arlette says:

September 30, 2013 at 2:16 am

Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss and honored to read about your mom and your family and Jesus love through your words..
Yes Jesus has the perfect timing for each and every one of us…I am sure that your mom is happily enjoying her new home with Jesus , Hopefully we will all be there one day and deserve his kingdom.
Hallelujah.
Arlette

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Kathy T. says:

September 30, 2013 at 2:52 am

I cried both tears of sadness and tears of happiness for you, Jessica. I am sorry that you lost your mother so quickly but I thank our Father that He gave you those special last moments with her until you are reunited with her one day in heaven. Thank you for sharing how special your mother was and thank you for letting the love of Jesus shine through you.

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Joy Brumback says:

September 30, 2013 at 3:51 am

Thanks for your beautiful story. I also have known the comfort of the Holy Spirit at the time of my mother’s death. Losing a mother is very difficult. No one else on earth loves us like our mom. However, there is such peace knowing she is rejoicing around the Throne fully healed. Can’t wait to join her some day. God’s blessing to you and your family.

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lulu says:

September 30, 2013 at 4:37 am

That was beautifully written Jessica. What a testimony, God is indeed good and he ALWAYS orders our steps. I pray His Spirit comforts you and your family daily. Your mom my be departed now, but her legacy lives on.

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Mir says:

September 30, 2013 at 4:47 am

Wow what an amazing story. As I was reading this I’m reminded that no matter what goes on God is still in control. It is through faith and trust in Our God is what will bring us through the storms. He never promised He would take the storms out of our lives but that He will be there with us through the storm.
What a great testimony of your mothers love for God. Thank you for sharing your journey and who God is to you even in your darkest time. You are such an encouragement and a blessing (even to me, a stranger).

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Eva Farragher says:

September 30, 2013 at 12:22 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss, Jessica! Your Mum sounded like she was as beautiful inside as she was on the outside. May she rest in peace.

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Myra Grace Suarez says:

September 30, 2013 at 1:27 pm

Condolences to you and your family. Indeed, God works in mysterious ways and all things happen for a reason. Your mom is wonderful and she is with the Lord now. Thank you for sharing.

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Khadija says:

September 30, 2013 at 4:38 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine your heartache. You have wonderful memories to hang onto.

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iluvlace says:

September 30, 2013 at 5:00 pm

Your mom is a beautiful person! What a heart warming story. I feel your pain. I wish nothing but love and peace for you and your family at this difficult time.

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Anonymous says:

September 30, 2013 at 5:00 pm

I have tears flowing down my face. Your mom sounds like an incredible person, touching the lives of others, even in her last days. Thank you for sharing this story, you must have incredible strength to write this so shortly after her passing. God bless you and your family.

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Dola says:

September 30, 2013 at 5:13 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

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Jen says:

September 30, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I lost my mom three years ago. Thank you for sharing your experience. It truly helps others who must go through the same thing. Your mother sounds like a lovely woman and she obviously has left an amazing legacy in her wonderful children and family. What an amazing and loving tribute you have given her. Sending you and your family hugs as you grieve for your loss and celebrate where she now is.

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Anonymous says:

September 30, 2013 at 5:42 pm

I just lost my dd a few months ago, and like you I have the peace of knowing my dad had christ in his heart and lived and loved Jesus. I will see him again some day. Nothing like the peace only Jesus gives. prayers for you and your family.

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Anonymous says:

September 30, 2013 at 5:47 pm

That was beautiful Jessi! Thank you for sharing your Mom & Jesus with me!! God bless you & your family~

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Cassy Benoit says:

September 30, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Jessica, I am moved by this post. Very much moved!!! Not only was your Mom beautiful but kind hearted. And a great Mom for being examples to her children. I am very sorry about your loss, but, you know where your strength come from, ‘the LORD’ and that does make it a bit more comforting.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and continue to hold on to the never changing hands of the LORD. In him you will find peace.
Continue to be STRONG!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs …..

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Kathy says:

September 30, 2013 at 8:38 pm

I am sorry for your loss.

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Paper doll says:

September 30, 2013 at 9:22 pm

Wow this moved my soul, thank you for sharing your story and love for Jesus. With tears in my eyes as I read this, I feel his love for me. Oh how he loves us!

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Real Cake Baker of the OC says:

October 1, 2013 at 11:33 am

Jessica I just finished reading your post in memory of your beautiful mother. I was moved to tears throughout both by your tremendous love and tragic loss of your sweet mother and by your whole hearted love and faith in Jesus. I am new to the love and faith of Jesus and I have to tell you your post spoke directly to my heart. Thank you so much for sharing at this difficult time in your life. God bless you. ��

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Sam Clifton says:

October 1, 2013 at 4:40 pm

If a hug from a stranger means anything, you have one from me.

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Gloria Meza says:

October 1, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Sorry for writing in Spanish
Gracias por compartir este momento tan especial, de verdad me llego al fondo de mi corazón, el testimonio de una preciosa hija de Dios, están en mis oraciones tu y tu familiares en especial tu papá, que Dios les de fortaleza y sabiduría para aceptar sus mandatos, en la Biblia dice que no nos ha sobrevenido ninguna prueba que podamos soportar, me imagino que ustedes son unos fuertes hijos de Dios para darles esta prueba. Y me gozo en poder contarme entre las personas que pueden conocer tu trabajo a traves de la distancia y ademas de saber que eres una hija de Dios, y aunque no te pueda conocer en esta vida de seguro en el cielo lo haré al igual que tu mamá, porque me gustaría mucho hacerlo después de leer esta pequeña parte de su vida de seguro que en el cielo fue recibida con mucho gozo…como una buena sierva fiel!
Gracias por tus palabras fue de bendición para mi vida.
Gloria

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- Jessica says:
  
  October 2, 2013 at 4:38 am
  
  Thanks for your sweet encouragement Gloria! I translated it just fine!
  
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Tammy says:

October 1, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Wow! Your mom was such a special lady…I am deeply touched and I am wiping my tears as I type. May the Lord continue giving you and your family comfort thru this difficult time. Thanks for sharing…God Bless…

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Tziranda says:

October 1, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Dear Jessica, I am so moved by your post…. it’s taken me a couple of days to read it… I am so trully sorry to hear about your loss but at the same time relieved to know it happened so quickly that she didn’t have to struggle for years like a lot of people do. Still, there will be sorrow for you and your family but you know she now rests in peace and eternal love and she is now watching you and by your side every day, every minute. Thank you for sharing with us. You have given us so much of you through this blog, I wish we could give something back… All I can say is our prayers are with you and your familiy, may your lovely and beautiful mummy rest in peace.

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Mrs. Mommy says:

October 2, 2013 at 2:17 pm

Tis so sweet to read this beautiful and tender tribute. Thank you so much for sharing and know that your family is being upheld in our prayers.

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Tina says:

October 2, 2013 at 4:18 pm

I thank you so much for this beautiful post. Although I have never experienced losing a loved one, this post has touched my heart in more ways than you can imagine. I will now trust in Jesus more than I did before, and I will allow the Holy Spirit to lead me down the perfect path that God has paved. Like you said, it is all God’s timing, and it is all perfect in His eyes. He is always with us, carrying us, loving us, shielding us in the storm. You have given me hope that when a day comes that I have to say good-bye to a loved one, I can be filled with joy instead of sadness. Jesus truly loves us all so deeply to provide such great comfort in the most trying times. I celebrate with you the loving and Jesus-filled woman that your mother was, and I rejoice with you in her entrance into God’s glorious Kingdom.

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Charlotte Emborg says:

October 2, 2013 at 5:08 pm

Wow! I found you through Craftsy and never expected to be ministered to so deeply. I will be praying for your heart and your sweet dad who is sure to be missing his bride. “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”
Thank you for using your gifts as such a powerful ministry! You have no idea how many souls your pure and honest words will reach.

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Anonymous says:

October 3, 2013 at 12:27 pm

I’m sorry for your lost, may she rest in peace.

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The Sweet, The Sassy and The Blur says:

October 3, 2013 at 1:32 pm

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. No matter how much time God gives us with those we love, it is never enough. My mother-in-law passed away this year very quickly from a tissue type stomach cancer also. It was the worst thing to watch but so relieved when God finally too her home. I wrote about it also. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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Irina Salazar says:

October 4, 2013 at 10:17 pm

I’m so sorry that you’re mom it’s no longer with you. But in the same way I’m so glad tha you have Jesus with you to help you and your family get through all this. I’ll be praying for your mom, you and your family.

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Ulli says:

October 5, 2013 at 7:48 am

Thank You for this heart touching and inspiring story, Jessica. It reached me all the way over here in Germany. Your mother is a women I want to be like. I hope that I can learn from what I read and transform it into my life. Thank You for sharing and my prayers go out to you and your family.

Love, Ulli

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Heather Nicole says:

October 7, 2013 at 4:49 pm

Jessica, Thank you so much for being so giving with your Mother. Tears are still coming down my face & this has touched me so much. My grandmother was much the same way & helped me find the Lord. When she passed, it was her terms as well & she was the woman that led me to baking & decorating. Thank you for all that you do, all that you share & allowing the Lord to be the beginning & the end of it all.

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Pam says:

October 8, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Dear Jessica,
I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been so difficult to write all of this. I want to offer my sincere condolences to you and your family.

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Shannon Wicks says:

October 9, 2013 at 6:26 pm

Jessica,

Thank you so very much for sharing your story & for allowing God to use you to minister to so many, including me. I found your blog (I’m such a huge fan) after I began making cakes again as my “cake therapy” after my own mom went to be with the Lord in December. I thought God brought me to your blog to be both creatively and spiritually encouraged, but I had no idea you would minister to such a specific & tender place in my life.

My story of my mother’s cancer is very similar to yours, but instead of ovarian, it was uterine. But she, too, had cancer throughout her abdomen & the ascites & everything that comes with that. Similarly, too, it seemed that every plan we developed was met with more & more challenges & conditions that eventually ruled out all treatment options. But where our stories differ is that, where you were looking to the Lord for comfort, I was only looking for healing & when that didn’t happen, I became confused & angry & felt betrayed, missing out on seeing His hand in the situation. I’ve really struggled this past year with my feelings & as God has patiently helped me through, I’ve begun to see things differently. But this beautiful post of yours has brought me to a whole new place by pushing me to see the beauty that God orchestrated in the midst of my mom’s ordeal. She was here for the birth of my first child, her first grandson, we celebrated 7 months of his life together (with 7 different monthly birthday cards from her), she was able to meet a granddaughter she didn’t know she had, and even in the little things, like allowing me to spend her last good day with her, even though I had no idea it would be the last. I know God will continue to use your experience & perspective to minister to me as I continue to reflect on your words. So again, thank you so very much for sharing your story and for your ministry. Your mother sounds like such a beautiful woman, especially as she raised you.

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Bonnie1462 says:

October 12, 2013 at 3:25 am

Dear Jessica,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mom sounds like an amazing woman and one of deep faith. May your faith in the Lord see you and your family through this difficult time. I see that He already has been touching you as gently as He can. God Bless – Bonnie

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Abbie Taylor says:

October 15, 2013 at 10:30 pm

Such an incredible story! Thank you for sharing and for using what you do to spread the Word of our Savior. My grandma, an amazing woman of God too, was also was taken by ovarian cancer, but struggled for years. Her name was also Darlene! I’m so grateful that your mom did not have to suffer long and is at the Throne now praising her savior. Praying for God’s continuing peace and comfort as the bitter moments come with the sweet. Thank you again for sharing your love of Jesus each day. God bless!

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Eftychia DreamofCakes says:

October 20, 2013 at 7:06 am

I am so sorry for your loss!!

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Keely says:

October 20, 2013 at 8:03 pm

What a beautiful tribute and account of your mother’s passing- I pray for you during this hard time, but am so relieved that she (and hopefully you) are now at peace.

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Amy Hil says:

October 24, 2013 at 7:39 pm

So sorry for your loss Jessica. One of my best friends just went through the same thing with her mother…diagnosed with cancer and within 3 weeks she went home to her Lord. What I see in my friend, I see in you; mother’s whose testaments live on through their daughters. Your mother sounds like a truly beautiful person…and it carries on through you. God Bless!

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alba Castro says:

November 25, 2013 at 11:44 pm

I ‘m always checking your page of course for your beautiful cakes . Just then I realized that you wrote something in loving memory of your mom ,start reading it . I thought this happen to you long time ago, My dad passed away with cancer September 28 2013 , went back to see when this happen to you , it was the day before. Know they are together celebrating life .I know how it feels when nobody is looking at you, in the silence of the night when you wish to hear that unique voice, a hug , a smile that can make everything better. will always remember you not only for your cakes but from now on for what we have in common. God Bless you and your family

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- Jessica says:
  
  November 26, 2013 at 2:54 am
  
  Thank you for your sweet words! Cancer is a crazy, ugly thing, but it bring the sweet Lord’s saints home to be with Him a little quicker. I’m happy she’s in the arms of Jesus but will always miss her!! God bless you too!!!
  
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Janie M. says:

December 2, 2013 at 3:22 pm

What a lovely tribute to your mother. I too have lost parents to cancer. It is totally devastating to walk threw.
You have and are continuing to make your mother and family proud! You have been given several gifts that
God will use in a big way! Blessings to your family. So
sorry for your loss.

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Sue S. says:

January 11, 2014 at 3:34 pm

What a beautiful story about your mother’s life, her love for Jesus, and the impact she made on those around her. You truly wrote an inspiring piece here. God bless you and your family. By the way, I just happened to find your blog today – so glad I did.

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Coco Cake Land says:

February 3, 2014 at 8:58 pm

dear jessica, i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful, shining, gorgeous mom – so happy that you are comforted that she is with Jesus in Heaven, and taken care of and no longer in any pain… and wearing all of her makeup, no doubt! Please take care. xo

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Omolola Onadeko says:

February 23, 2014 at 10:04 pm

What a beautiful write up,she will surely be so proud of you.sorry for you loss,but as you have said she is heaven with our father in heaven where there will be no sickness or pain.
May her soul continue to rest in peace

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Dawn Irving says:

March 1, 2014 at 1:59 pm

Jessica, as a hospice nurse, I can say you and your mom’s journey truly were blessed. I pray for you to continue to feel the presence of the Lord as you go forward. My mom was also a strong Christian and her passing was one that continues to inspire me to this day. She smiled the whole time right to the point that she was unresponsive. She knew she was going to heaven,as did your mom. Thank you for sharing your story. And may I add, thank you for sharing your faith in your blog. You have inspired me to do the same in my own blog for my own cakes.

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- Jessica says:
  
  March 1, 2014 at 2:59 pm
  
  Thank you for your sweet note! The Lord is sooo faithful to His children!! I love that!!! May He fill your cup to overflowing as you share about Him!! Hugs!!
  
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Angela Butler says:

March 3, 2014 at 11:57 pm

Jessica, I came across your blog last year and have not read it for a while until today. I am sorry for the loss of your mother and share pain having lost my father a few years ago. As I read what you had to say I could feel the presence of the Lord as I imagine you sharing your story from the heart. May the Lord continue to guide your steps as you share his love to those who do not know Him. God’s richest blessings to you and your family. Joy from UK

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miral fadel says:

March 9, 2014 at 7:33 pm

نعلم أن المؤمنين أصحاب العمل الصالح ساعة الإحتضار يرون ملائكة الرحمة وتكون أول بشارة لهم بالجنة فيبتسمون فرحين لأنهم ذاهبون إلى خير مما كانوا فيه وإذا نظرت إلى وجوههم بعد الوفاة تراها ساكتة مطمئنة لما رأت من وعد الله الذى لا يخلفه. فليأخذ العبد لنفسه من نفسه ومن دنياه لآخرته ومن الشيبة قبل الكبر ومن الحياة قبل الموت لينال حسن الخاتمة.

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tortacouture says:

March 10, 2014 at 1:50 pm

Just wow! Sitting here at work with tears in my eyes.

I LOVE that you are so Christ focused and that you share that openly here on your blog. Your mum sounds amazing and you were truly blessed to have her in your life. His love is evident in your recollection of your mum final month.
I can’t imagine how painful it must be to lose your mum – I know that the knowledge that she is with Christ right now must be a huge comfort.

Thank you for sharing this and for witnessing about the good news of the Gospel – I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Blessings to you!

Jo x

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The SweetPea Bakery says:

March 18, 2014 at 2:05 pm

Jessica, thanks you for sharing such an inspiring story.Your mum was and is one of God’s angels. I came across you on crafty and your cakes are beautiful. May God continue to comfort you always.

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- Jessica says:
  
  April 17, 2014 at 1:59 am
  
  Thank you! He has and I know will continue to do so. Praise Him!
  
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The Sinclairs says:

April 16, 2014 at 3:51 pm

The fact that you can write such an incredibly sad story with joy and thanks to God is evidence of God’s amazing grace in your life! I am a missionary in Cameroon, and came across your blog looking for cake inspiration. A fellow missionary friend is getting married on Saturday and I have never done any fancy cake decorating at all, but she asked me to make her wedding cake. Your blog was such a wonderful find! I then saw the sidebar note about your mom’s story and am now sitting here in tears after reading her story. She sounds like an amazing woman and I might add that you also sound like an amazing woman! Going through such a difficult journey and still able to praise God through the storm! May the Lord bless you and your bold witness as you give the Lord the glory all through your blog! What a wonderful medium to share Christ’s love and the light of the gospel!

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- Jessica says:
  
  April 17, 2014 at 2:02 am
  
  What a beautiful encouraging note!! Thank you so much!!! I pray my life reflects His love and His grace to others and that HE is famous throughout the world! I pray whatever skills He gives me and whatever platform He allows me to have I use it to share His glory and love. I pray protection and safety as you minister to others in Cameroon! May HE give you wisdom and joy in His presence.
  Blessings!
  Jessica
  
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Anonymous says:

April 18, 2014 at 6:43 am

Jessica, may the lord continue to shine his light on you and your family. I know what it means to lose a beautiful and god loving mother. I feel your loss but thank god you ve jesus and you know that our loss is heavens gain. I lost my phone mum in october 2013. She was a mother of all nations, she loved everyone like her own biological children. She left an impact on everyone she met. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer which had spread to the liver and the bones. She had no signs of cancer, all this happened too quickly and she was gone within 2 months. After reading your post I realised that God wanted us to love and enjoy her before he took her. We were in denial thT she must be taken. The lord told our close friends that he was ready to take our mum. But my brothers and I were in denial saying god will heal her.
Aftet she passed on I was even angry that why was she not healed after we had spent days and weeks beliving god for her healing. Thank you jessica for your post. When I look back I realise that god did not want to suffer with the fluids in the stomach and the loss of appetite. The chemo left her worse and though she was still the sweetest mother, you could see that she was in pain.
I used to read her the book by Dodia osteen (joel Osteen’s mother). It has been a long walk of faith since she passed on . Better in heaven than suffering on earth and ending up bitter. Thanks to everyone who shared their losses. It makes the pain beareable.

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Lisa C. says:

April 25, 2014 at 1:44 pm

Jessica – Came across your tutorial on Etsy, which I really enjoyed, but will enjoy it more now because of your amazing faith and commitment to the Lord! Thank you for sharing your deep and abiding confidence in our Risen Savior! You will see your mom again, in what will seem like a blink!

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- Jessica says:
  
  April 25, 2014 at 1:52 pm
  
  Yes!! What great hope and encouragement we have in Christ!!! Thank you!!
  By the way…what tutorial of mine did you see on etsy?? I didn’t think I had any over there!?
  
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VeronicaL says:

May 4, 2014 at 8:38 pm

In tears reading your post. So sorry for the loss of your sweet mother. What an amazing woman!

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Anonymous says:

May 16, 2014 at 10:22 pm

What a wonderful testimony, and a reminder that God truly is in control. Thank you for sharing it.

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Anonymous says:

July 5, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. Jesus is truly our everything & He always keeps His promises. May He continue to comfort and strengthen your family in Jesus most precious name!

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Diane says:

July 18, 2014 at 12:27 am

Hi Jessica!
Indeed God has a purpose in everything.

I was searching for a fondant cake recipe to bake on saturday for my friend’s birthday and God directed me here in your blog. Got to read the recipe then had a glimpse on the sweetest name of Jesus in your profile, I was so happy and excited to read that page and to know how Jesus touch your heart.

Teary eyed while reading it but there’s a joy in my heart. I was so blessed, your family and your mom’s testimony and how God moves in every detail of situation. I was encourage, that in any season, we must share Jesus to everyone. What a great joy to have Jesus in our hearts.

“Fear not, for I am with you!”

This is God’s message to me these few days…reminding me to trust Him and only Him.

Thank you for sharing this, I believe it is not an accident that I’m here in your page and to know you.
God has a purpose in everything,,,and its for the best
I just wanted a sweet cake but God gave me the sweetest cake (His word) thru you.

God bless and keep you. Continue to spread God’s love thru this blog.

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Anonymous says:

July 24, 2014 at 7:27 am

I just read your beautiful “Mimi” story and was filled with emotion and love. Your mother sounded like a living angel who raised another living angel! You have blessed me today, Jessica, and I don’t even know you! Yes, it’s a God thing. I wish more than anything to be a child of God & bring light to our troubled world. You inspire me. You are full of Grace! Blessings to you! p.s. I also love to bake & adored your website! p.s.s enjoy those kiddos!!! Colleen from Florida

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Funmi says:

August 9, 2014 at 2:00 am

Thank you for sharing the story of your mom and also sharing your skills and experience. Your mom has gone to be with the Lord and I pray that those of those behind will not miss heaven. You are so full of the spirit of God and His grace. You have seriously inspired me and I count myself blessed to know you through your class. I also strongly believe that coming across your blog is not an accident, it is divine.
Greetings from Funmi ( Australia)

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Juliana A. Pancrate says:

October 9, 2014 at 6:22 pm

I Love Jessica Harris, I just simply love you, May God always be in your life and continue to bless you as you bless others with your gracious words, your talent and your kindness. You are a beautiful person and an inspiration to me and many more.

Juliana Pancrate
Bisou du Papillon Délice

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Maria Vasseur says:

January 28, 2015 at 12:17 pm

Dear Jessica,

I just finished watching your Crafsty class and I loved it, so I decided to visit your website. I stumbled upon your beautiful testimony and my eyes brimmed over with tears before I could even finish reading. I’m so sorry about the loss of your beautiful mom. I truly share your loss. My precious mom also passed away from cancer in 2014. Your mom reminds me so much of mine in the way she ministered to others when she was sick, her love for her children and grandchildren, and even the way she wouldn’t leave the house without makeup!

You and your family are so blessed to have had those final precious moments to sing to her, profess your love and say goodbye. My mom was on life support at the end, so I felt like I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye. I didn’t know if she could hear me. It was difficult to let go of her and it’s still difficult at times, but the words in your testimony are a much needed reminder for me. Her pain and suffering are ended and she’s with Jesus, which is reason to rejoice.

Thank you for sharing your precious and personal story.
God bless you & your family,
Maria Vasseur

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- Jessica says:
  
  January 28, 2015 at 9:01 pm
  
  Hi Maria!
  WOW, it’s amazing how the Lord draws people!! I love that you found me and we share so much. I’m so sorry about your loss. Even though I had a few weeks with my mom, I didn’t realize we were going to lose her until just days before…we were so hopeful. So, I still feel like there was SO much I wanted to say. And I’m realizing that you’d never have enough time…there’s always something you’ll want to say. I’m just so happy she knows how much I love her and someday we’ll get to spend ETERNITY saying everything that I ever wanted to say. I am so thankful for that hope of Heaven!! Yes…the pain is over…she’s dining with her King! I can’t wait to join her!
  May the Lord bless you! May He fill your cup to overflowing!! May you know how much He loves you so that you can rest in His grace!
  Hugs!
  Jessica
  
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Terry says:

February 22, 2015 at 9:45 am

Dear Jessica. I was drawn to read your beautiful testimony regarding your precious Mama. Your description of her says she was a prayer warrior in God’s army as well as a tender evangel of His Grace & Mercy. Every word you wrote is truly a blessing as I face what could be the fringes of my own mama’s homecoming/going. Your words give me pause to reflect on God’s timing, which I know and have proclaimed many times in my own life, is absolutely perfect. And I realize as you did (again) His timing is perfect. He will take the foolish things to confound the wise. Thank you for the encouragement and reminding me to recognize and always give in to the sovereignty of our LORD. God Bless You and Your Family

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- Jessica says:
  
  February 27, 2015 at 10:22 am
  
  Oh Terry!! I’ll be praying for you as you walk this difficult road. There is so much hope though…we have SO much hope. And the thought of our sweet mama’s in the arms of Jesus makes our temporary loss more bearable. May the Lord hold you tightly and give you peace during this time. Hugs to you sweet sister! xo!
  
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Tatiana Wibowo says:

September 8, 2015 at 3:32 pm

Thank you for sharing this. Your mom sounds like a beautiful and kind woman, and you are a faithful servant of God indeed. I like how God has blessed you and you keep on passing those blessings to others.

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- Jessica says:
  
  September 9, 2015 at 8:28 pm
  
  Thank you Tatiana! She was amazing! – I hope I can leave a similar legacy with my life as I try my best to wholly follow the Lord! May the Lord bless you richly!
  
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Nomfundo says:

March 7, 2018 at 7:21 am

Amazingly touched. Thank you for living in Christ.
5 years later, srill touching lives, many many kilometers away.

Thank you. Stay blessed.

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Psalm 19:7-11

89 comments on “In memory of my sweet mama!”

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